Fire and Ash

It had always been a comfort to me knowing that as long as I was near the sea, I was never far from home. Gently closing my eyes, I listened softly to the steady rhythm of the waves. A wave smoothly broke as it graced my feet, crackling over each tiny pebble, sizzling as each tiny salt droplet kissed the shoreline and that one unique wave travelled back towards the vast ocean. Carefully timing the break of each roll, it was no surprise when the water once again came rushing over my feet, allowing me to sink further into the sand. I was lost in my own imagination for the first time in several months. Concentrating on my shallow breathing, I began to mimic the breath of the ocean. The sound of seagulls suddenly crashed through the serenity, destroying the sound of silence. Although a strong hatred remained embedded within me for these horrific birds, their sharp shriek surprisingly made me giggle, as I reminisced summers spent chasing them down the beach. The warmth of the breeze graced my ankles, billowed my skirt upwards and I quickly held it down before any attention was drawn towards my legs. Although the beach was sparse, the high cliffs were a constant threat. It was hard to imagine how a country plagued by such hardships, could have this one sheltered paradise. Pulling my hood back over my head I grabbed my backpack and ran towards the safety of the cliff face. The salt had eaten into the deep gashes along my calves and feet, feeling the sting I began to hop about in pain.  This was the first form of treatment I had received, and it couldn't have come sooner. The damage had been done and there was no doubt I'd be left with severe scars.

          

 Leaving the beach and traipsing along a dusty path, I wearily made my way back towards the dense forest. There was simply no time to feel sorry for myself, there was no time to weep or mourn for the losses. If I allowed my feelings to crash through the barrier I had built, I know I simply wouldn't survive. That was a definite fact. I had spent months building a barrier against my emotions until I was now at the point of feeling numb. The pain in my legs had subsided, making it easier to trudge through the low hanging branches and thick thorn bushes. I had only managed to grab a very limited amount of supplies as I escaped, and fortunately a map had been caught up within a notebook. I had quickly established my whereabouts before entering out into the piercing African sun. I had little knowledge as to where I had been kept, so that one piece of paper aided my escape greatly. Without which I would be completely blind on my trek towards freedom.

          

  Each step pulled me further away from that dark hole of burning hell. Stabs of regret pierced my weak heart as I was drawn back to the frail faces of the young girls. Their expressions completely blank, too drugged to feel any sort of emotion. I understood I couldn't save any of them, but I still felt remorse leaving them behind to face death. Alone in the world without any form of sanity, their brain fried by deep internal bleeding. Shivers rocketed across my back as I was sent back to their sharp deathly clutch, the steel bars attached to my wrists, the frozen metal slab burning my body. I didn't realise I had blacked-out until I awoke shivering in a pool of my own sweat, my hands gripped around my own throat, lying on the damp forest floor. Detangling myself from my own tight grip I lay on the ground, staring up at the canopy of trees. Allowing my heart beat to drop, I established my location on the map. Walking on foot to the boarder would take an extensive amount of time, but I couldn't risk hitching along the open road. I couldn't allow myself to free my emotions again, risking myself to discovery.

            

Nightfall was dropping as I reached the edges of the forest, the perfect time to travel across open space. The sun burned the horizon, and I stood contently watching the heat waves rise above the ground; a moment of absolute bliss. This vast area once housed an entire village but had been wiped out not so long ago. I traced the path of the main road along the row of foundations, gracing my hand across the fallen walls. Before I had managed to reach the end of the road, I heard a slight rustle on the dusty ground. Stock still, I didn't dare to take a breath. My heart pounded in my ears, sending shock waves around my fragile frame. Maybe it was just my imagination, after all I was certainly already insane from months spent cooped up in a dark hole. Allowing myself to edge forward a few steps, my ears burned as they strained to recognise any unusual movement. There it was again, only louder and closer this time. Spinning sharply around I came face to face with a young girl. We both froze, neither one of us moving like an animal in front of their predator. Without any warning she reached her hand towards my face and I slapped it away instinctively. Regretting it straight away, I reached into my pocket and produced a token of my apology: an orange. Handing it to her I could feel her gratitude as she slowly curled her bony fingers around the fruit. I had little to share, but this simple act of kindness made me feel human again. Sitting on the dusty ground we silently peeled the orange, savouring each droplet of juice not allowing any to escape our parched mouths. That moment of solitude would be one I'd never forget.

            

Getting ready to leave, I motioned for her to join me. Her face turned pale as I suggested this outrageous concept. No words had yet been exchanged between us so I had no knowledge of her nationality; I thought it was best to remain speechless. Carefully she began to inch towards me as I held my hand out to her. Before she had even taken two steps, a low rumble sent the ground into a deep quiver. I lashed around as three U.S fighter jets appeared on the horizon, travelling faster than sound. This was my only chance and I knew it, reaching into my bag I set off the only flare I had managed to escape with. Red light shot into the sky leaving a trail of smoke behind it. I began frantically waving my arms screaming. But what happened next I would never have anticipated. Screeching noises deafened me as millions of bullets raged fiercely towards us. I stood frozen, speechless, until the young girl scratched my arm. I grabbed her hand quickly and raced towards the woods, using the last bit of energy I possessed. Tripping over rocks, we dragged each other towards the trees. I could feel the power of the bullets rip past me, the heavy planes towered overhead and they watched two physically and mentally destroyed girls struggle for their life. Reaching the safety of the trees gave us little comfort. The attack continued, pellets bouncing off the trees. Suddenly, I stopped and yanked the young girl into the hollow of a tree. The planes raged overhead and continued their onslaught through the trees. Sweat poured down my forehead and flashes of horror streaked across my eyes. Flaying wildly I whimpered and cried as I attempted to rid the images from my mind. A soft hand touched my face and began to stroke my cheek. Slowly my vision returned and I could clearly see her now, panting in the darkness. A soft feeling of warmth spread slowly through my icy veins, as I felt love, an emotion I had long ago forgotten.

            

Extracting ourselves from the tree some time later, I assessed the damage. Neither of us had been injured thankfully. Figuring it was best to stay hidden for the night, I settled myself down on a soft patch of grass. This was the moment I had feared the most; the nightmares. However much I tried to fight sleep, it soon washed over me like the devil ready for feast. Falling into unconsciousness, I dreamt of fire and ash, absolute destruction. Pain streaked through my body as the girls I left behind flashed before my eyes. Then it came, the icy cold tight grip around my throat, tightening. The other hand lashed across my body, no sense of humanity in his piercing red eyes. Hours passed and I remained trapped within my own memories. My body heated up and suddenly flames danced on my eyelids. It wasn't until I could feel the heat lashing against my skin that I awoke.  Realising I was no longer trapped in a nightmare, the flames were real and they were licking against my skin. Feeling the heat on my skin I sat up quickly and stared into the roaring flames. Choking on the black smoke I hit the ground and gasped for air. The girl was absolutely nowhere to be seen, not that I could actually see much anyway. My eyes burned as I desperately tried to search for a gap in the fire. Never before had I witnessed such horror yet such beauty. The colours of the flames hypnotised me, and the heat radiating from them heated the scars embedded into my legs. I dragged myself along the thick forest floor as I spotted an opening in the trees. Thorns sank deep into my palms and I wrenched them out without a second thought. Pulling my hood over my head I tried to block out the oncoming smoke. My lungs screamed in pain and I knew they wouldn't hold up much longer. I whipped my head from side to side in hope of seeing the young girl. Yet she remained invisible, already lost to the flames or escaped alone. What had happened while I slept? How could I have missed the slaughter of these flames?

            

Reaching the gap, I pulled myself up. The flames were kissing my feet viciously, hungry for more attention. Collapsing through the trees I noticed the young girl lying face down on the ground her clothes completely torn off. I dragged myself towards her, tears cascading down my cheeks. Collapsing on top of her I carefully turned her over. Despite the furnace surrounding us, her skin was frozen in time. Her tiny frame slashed by the stroke of a knife. Her deep green eyes stared back at me as my tears washed the dirt from her face. I could feel the flames around me once again. Yet I didn't move. Instead I protectively covered her with my own body. Laying there I finally let out the pain. I screamed and yelled until my lungs could no longer handle the pressure. Shaking wildly I could feel the flames touching my skin, but I couldn't feel the pain. With my eyes shut, I tried to imagine the sea once more. The slow roll of the waves the sizzling of the pebbles over the rocks. I would reach the sea someday again, but for now I had to sleep. Before I had reached unconsciousness, a clammy hand gripped my waist and pulled me from the ground. My mind slowly slipped away before I had a chance to look at them. Drifting away from pain, and fire and ash.